When I went to the gym for the first time after years doing nothing but sitting on my couch with a bag of Doritos and a sixer of PBR tall boys, I posted about it on Facebook.
When I started Couch to 5K for the first time about it, I told all of my social media friends.
Six months later, I started this blog.
My Instagram feed is littered with bad post-run selfies, Strava maps and race photos.
I have been a runner for almost 12 years (May 29 is the anniversary of that first run) and for the majority of those 12 years I have shared the journey. I talk about running, I write about running, I post about running. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I’ve been a little less vocal and written a whole lot less about running in the last three years, because as I’ve stated in this space more than a few times (here, here, and here are just a few examples), running has been a miserable activity for much of the last three years. It was OK at the start of the pandemic when I was still working my way back into shape after the 2019 Chicago Marathon beat the shit out of me, but it all went to shit when I strained my calf in March 2021. And I still haven’t really covered. My calf is OK, but I have fought a mostly losing battle with my body and my mind to be the runner I want to be.
I’m not here to complain about it, I’m still trying to get my running groove back. Mostly, I’m just thinking out loud (is it out loud if I’m writing it down?). I am starting to run a little more these days, trying to motivate myself to do the necessary work. I have a race on the calendar that I don’t really want to talk about and I will start training with a group next week.
What I’m thinking out loud about is how much of it do I want to share? I haven’t enjoyed talking about running lately because running has sucked. It’s not really run. I haven’t written about it because it is the same old shitty song that I don’t want to sing. I don’t think anyone wants to hear it either.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t share the crap because social media feeds are full of all the good stuff, we need a little truth every once in a while. I just haven’t feel like sharing it.
A part of me doesn’t want to share, period. I love running and I love to talk about running, but I’m definitely more than just a runner, just like I’m more than just a sports fan and I’m more than a copy editor. Running is a part of who I am, it is not WHO I am. I mean, I’m not even that good at it.
And as much as I enjoy writing – I enjoy writing as much as I enjoy running and hate it as much as I hate running, if you know what I mean – a part of me wants to keep running, good or bad, to myself. The less I worry about what I’m going to say about running, what I’m going to post to social media or write about on this blog (something I really don’t do anymore anyway), the more I can just focus on running and try to enjoy running.
Maybe I’m overthinking all of it. I’m a notorious overthinking, it’s the source of my social anxiety and part of the reason for my high blood pressure. It’s running, after all, it’s supposed to be fun. I shouldn’t feel any pressure to do anything.
Then again, maybe I’ll post again tomorrow. Who knows?