When everything hurts, a reminder why

I’m not really a Cubs fan, this hat is a reminder of why I’m out here.

Last week, my adductor and hammy were sore.

Sunday during my long run, my hip got tired and tight.

Yesterday when I started my recovery jog, my left knee was screaming at me.

Sometimes my left foot hurts, sometimes it doesn’t.

Ah, marathon training when you are old and broken is a lot of fun.

I kid, sort of. I actually am enjoying training for the Chicago Marathon. I like pushing my body to see what I can get out of it. I feel better when I’m able to get out and run miles. I look forward to doing the work, chasing a goal, trying to get the best out of myself.

That is not to say it is easy. I feel like I’m constantly fighting one injury or another. My knees (specifically my left knee). My hip. My adductor/hammy. Something always hurts. Usually more than one thing hurts.

And I’m at the point in training, running nearly 50 miles a week (which isn’t a ton to some people but is huge mileage for me, especially after spending 2018 just trying to get to a point where I could run on a regular basis) with a workout and a long run, that I’m tired and hungry pretty much all the time.

Just out here training for Chicago, and everything hurts.

It’s hard not to get discouraged. As I limped around the office last night, my left knee sore and barking with every step, I wondered if I am really capable of getting through the next 38 days of training for the Chicago Marathon. I questioned whether or not I’ll be able to make it through those 26.2 miles at the type of effort I hope to put in on Oct. 13 without pushing my body to the point of no return. I really want Chicago to go well. I really don’t want to be limping somewhere in the middle of the Windy City with another 13 miles to the finish line.

My answer to this is to remember why I’m doing this. I choose to go through this and I want to do this for all of those reasons I mentioned above. The aches and pains are the price I pay for training for a marathon in a 45-year-old body broken down by years of not taking care of myself. A body broken and bruised by the occasional burst of activity on the baseball field or basketball court or football field (touch football only) in my 30s, between long bouts of sitting on my ass eating Doritos, donuts and pounding PBR.

I don’t want to sound like it’s all gloom and doom or that everything is awesome. Neither is exactly the case. It’s somewhere in between those two things. I hurt. My body hurts. But I ran 17 miles on Sunday morning and that was glorious. Kind of painful, but glorious nonetheless.

So when my left knee is really bothering me (like it is this morning) or my hip gets kind of sore, or I just don’t want to go for a run, I’ll remind myself of why I’m doing this. I’ll tell myself to get out of bed and do my physical therapy, to stretch and to roll. I’ve done better this training block doing the little things to stay healthy but I can always do more.

Things are going to hurt, that is probably unavoidable for me at this point. However, if I continue to be smart and do the work I need to do, I can push myself to be better, to chase goals, and to enjoy what I am doing.

This is what I choose to do. I want to do this.

And sometimes, that is going to hurt.

10 weeks to Chicago

An hour and 50 minutes on Sunday isn’t much, but it was a win nonetheless.

I glanced at my watch as I passed a couple while jogging up the short hill on the Back Cove Path approaching Tukey’s Bridge. I was about 55 minutes into my run, moving at about a 9:15 per mile pace. Taking the shortest route home, I had about 3.5 miles or about 35 minutes to go.

Is that enough for today?

Do I want to try for a little more?

Ah, I feel OK, just run to Baxter Boulevard and make a decision from there.

My run Sunday was a bit of a test. It wasn’t a workout and it wasn’t really a long run, it was just about spending some time on my feet and seeing where I am as the Chicago Marathon quickly approaches.

45 minutes after glancing at my watch, an hour and 50 minutes after I left the house to grab a few miles, I walked back into my apartment, feeling better. Satisfied. Optimistic.

Saturday’s stats. 15 minutes up, 6×2 minutes kind of hard with a 3 minute recovery, 18 minutes down.

10 weeks out from race day, I figured out Sunday I’m not where I was two months ago, but I’m not where I was two weeks ago either. I’m not 100 percent healthy, I’ve definitely lost some fitness, but if I keep doing the right things, don’t ramp shit up too quickly, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be OK on Oct. 13.

That doctor’s appointment I had last week went all right, though the doctor thought I should probably be feeling a little better than I am six weeks after my initial exam. She’s not worried about me running and her goal is to make sure I’m ready to race at Chicago, which is encouraging, but she did want to dive a little further into what is going on in my hip/adductor. For now, that means more physical therapy and possible a deeper dive if we feel like that is necessary.

More than anything, I just want some reassurance that I’m not going to completely screw myself up if I keep running and training and trying to run a good race in Chicago. I’ve been encouraged by the last two weeks of training. I haven’t run a ton of miles and my workouts haven’t been super hard, but after running just 3 miles over a two weeks span and 10 miles the week after that, the 33 I ran this past week feels like 100.

Not where I want to be, but a step in the right direction.

But there is definitely doubt. After that appointment Thursday, I slogged through an uncomfortable 5-miler. My hammy was tired, my adductor was tight, my hip hurt. As much as I am trying to focus on having a positive mental attitude, that run was a little soul crushing. I was questioning myself for all 50 minutes of that run. I convinced myself that Chicago was not going to happen. I was too injured to run the type of mileage I need and if I tried to run the race, I’d end up hurt, limping and catching a ride to the finish line.

I took a rest day Friday, then bounced back with a little speed session Saturday and a little more than 11 miles on Sunday. I still felt some shit during those runs, but it was much calmer than it was Thursday evening. I felt tired and winded sooner during that speed session than I would have two months ago, but it felt mostly good to crank it up, even just a little bit. I never ran hard on Sunday, and I took a short walk break every 20 minutes, but to jog for an hour and 50 minutes was a victory.

To quiet those negative voices in my head for a little bit was definitely a win.

I wish I had a bit more time to get completely healthy and to train for Chicago, but I don’t, so I just have to deal with it the best I can. My goals, which were going to be hard to reach anyway, may be out of reach, but I’m not giving up on anything just yet. I have 10 weeks to get ready, I’ll try to stay positive, be smart and do the work.

At this point, that is all I can do.

 

 

Taking steps forward

I’m sitting in bed, watching TV and preparing for a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. It’s been about a month and a half since I first saw the doctor about my hip/adductor and today is, hopefully, my final follow up.

I’m not 100 percent yet, and I’m still slowly working my way back to running the type of miles and the type of workouts I need to to prepare for Chicago. I definitely feel better and I’m running more, but my hip still barks at me and my adductor/hammy still gets sore.

I’m not expecting anything too much from today’s appointment. It’s just a follow-up, a check-in, to make sure everything is heading in the right direction. I’m confident that things are heading in the right direction, even if I’m not getting better as quickly as I would like.

Last night was a step in the right direction. In the heat and humidity, I ran 5 miles, getting progressively faster for the first 30 minutes. I slowly worked my way down to a 7:38 per mile pace for the last five minutes. My hip took a bit of time to not feel stiff, but once it did, I didn’t really feel restricted. My adductor and hamstring felt pretty good, only feeling a little bit tired as the intensity picked up.

I made sure to cut the workout short while I still felt good. One of the mistakes I made earlier this year that led to this injury getting a little worse than I would have liked is running my workouts too hard. Steady state runs on Wednesday were all a little too fast and a little too long. Interval workouts were a little too hard and I always ran the extra rep. Recovery runs weren’t really recovery runs. Easy miles were a little faster than easy.

Basically, I got into my own head. When I feel good and I feel like I have to push as hard as I can. Well, it caught up to me. I wore down and a little tweak, a little niggle turned into something that hurt all the time because I pushed too hard.

In other words, I wasn’t smart enough to stay completely healthy.

That is the biggest thing I’ve learned from this setback: Don’t go over that edge. Push hard, train hard, yes, but I need to learn my limits. All the great workouts don’t mean shit if I get hurt and can’t run. It especially doesn’t mean shit if I get hurt and can’t race.

I’m making steps to get back to where I want to be. It’s going to take a lot of work and a lot of smarts. I can’t slack off on physical therapy or stretching or rolling. I have to listen to my body. I have to recover on recovery days and run easy on easy days. I have to push, but not push myself to a place of getting injured.

Today is another step forward. And that is where my focus needs to be, just keep taking steps forward.

Take it slow

5 miles on Sunday in the blistering heat isn’t the 14-16 I thought I’d be running right now, but it is where I’m at. I’m trying to play it smart, so I can get to Chicago in one piece.

When I’m not running as much as I would like with my goal marathon quickly approaching, I have a lot of time to think about that marathon. Lately, I’ve spent some time thinking about my goals for the Chicago Marathon and what this down time means for them.

Sunday, my brain went into hyperdrive when the training plan for the FleetFeet marathon class popped into my email. I browsed through the 12 weeks of training, set up for the Maine Marathon which is a week before Chicago, and the wheels started turning.

For months, before I tweak my hip flexor/adductor/hamstring, my goal for Chicago has been to finish in 3 hours, 40 minutes. When that schedule popped into my email on Sunday night, I thought about that goal, wondering if I had time to get myself back together and fit enough to chase it.

I did the math in my head:

• 11 weeks (turns out I was wrong and I’m 12 weeks out) to get myself 100 percent healthy.

• I need to run 8:23 per mile to finish in 3:40.

• How many miles can I run right now, and how long will it be before I’m running those 2 1/2-3 hour long runs?

Monday and Tuesday, a few more emails reminded me to pump the brakes and slow down. 

Saturday was super hot, too, and 4 miles was more than enough.

I had three physical therapy sessions after seeing the doctor about my hip, which focused on stretching and rolling to get my hip/adductor/hamstring to calm down a bit. The last session was two weeks ago, after which I was told to start running, but to take it easy. I was told I didn’t necessarily need to come back for more PT, but to keep them updated.

Monday morning I sent an email to the two people I worked with at PT with an update. I told them I ran 22 miles last week, that I was feeling better, but things were still a little sore. The response from both of them was: You are on the right track, but TAKE IT SLOW.

Of course, they are right, I just have to convince myself that it is OK to take it slow. Every time I start to think about my goals for Chicago, and how little I’m running right now, and how I’m not doing the work I think I need to to get ready to run my goal, I stop and read those emails. I’m remind that, yes, I need to run to get ready to run Chicago, but if I am not healthy, I won’t be able to run the race at all, so … TAKE IT SLOW.

It’s frustrating, after three great months of training, that I can’t just keep going, keep hammering miles and workouts. That’s not where I am right now, though. Things are starting to feel better, but if I’m not smart about it, the shit is really going to hit the fan and I won’t even be lining up in Grant Park on Oct. 13.

The solution to all of this is to try not to think about those lofty goals I set for myself. Yes, I still want to run 3:40 but is that realistic? I don’t know. Will I finally be able to erase that 3:47 off the chalkboard in my bedroom, which has been written on that chalkboard as my marathon goal for more than five years? I don’t know.

What I do know, is I can’t worry about that right now. I can’t let those numbers cloud my judgment and make me rush into stuff I’m not ready for. I remind myself of those three awesome months of training before I broke myself. I tell msyelf I haven’t lost all of that fitness. I remind myself that if I make this injury worse, instead of letting it heal, I can forget chasing any goals, I won’t be racing at all on Oct. 13.

I’m trying to convince myself that in order to have the opportunity to chase my big dreams in Chicago, I need to be smart and make it to Chicago. That training plan will be my guide, but I won’t be married to it. I’ll listen to my body, the aches and the pains, and try not to push myself to the point of break down.

I’ll remind myself to TAKE IT SLOW.

Slowly getting back on track

My plan for training for the Chicago Marathon didn’t look anything like this.

I figured at this point in training, with 11 1/2 weeks before the race, I’d be regularly running more than 40 miles a week, working my way up to 50 miles a week, and running double digits every Sunday.

Well, that isn’t exactly happening right now. That strained hip flexor which flared up my adductor/hamstring put a crimp in those plans.

The good news is, I’m on the mend and slowly starting to build back up. I had a run assessment at physical therapy last Wednesday and was told to start running again. Every other day to start, take it slow, don’t run very far, and see how it feels.

Thankfully, it is starting to feel better. My hip is still sore and my adductor still gets tired, but I’ve been consistent with my stretching and rolling, and it is helping. I had a sports massage Monday, which also helped. I ran 5 miles Tuesday and felt pretty comfortable, then ran with the FleetFeet marathon class on Wednesday, doing a six moderate hill reps in the middle of a 4-mile run. I was worried that was a mistake – too much too soon – but I feel OK today, so I’m not fretting.

I still have a long way to go, I’m definitely not out of the woods yet, but this is progress. I know ramping up my mileage and jumping back into speed work too quickly will put me back on the shelf and I don’t have time for that, so I’m taking it slow. I rode the elliptical today instead of running and will probably take another full rest day this week (Saturday is supposed to be surface of the sun hot, so it might be a good morning to spend at the movie theatre).

What does this mean for my goals for Chicago? I have no idea. The way I figure it, I have 11 1/2 weeks to figure that out. Can I get healthy and fit enough to run that 3:40 or 3:47 I was planning on? I have no idea. At this point, I need to make sure I can get to the starting line in one piece, able to run the race. I’ll figure out a goal when I start running more.

Every time I think about where I’m at and where I want to be, I keep reminding myself that before this hiccup I had four months of pretty decent training and I have two months to get my shit back together. As long as I don’t lose all that fitness I built from February to May, and as long as I can get healthy enough to get back to decent marathon training in August and September, I should be OK.

I have a lot of work ahead of me, but that is what I wanted. That is what I signed up for. It’s no time to be lazy, no time to slack off. I’m not giving up on my lofty goals for Chicago just because I broke myself and needed a few weeks top put myself back together.

A moment of doubt

4th of July, training to slay the beast, but rolling and stretching and doing PT and NOT RUNNING.

Last week I said I wasn’t freaking out about being injured or how it is going to impact my training for the Chicago Marathon. I’ve reminded myself not to freak out because of all the reasons I stated last week.

On Wednesday, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I had my second physical therapy session Wednesday morning. I went in thinking I would get the OK to do a little running over the next few days, so I could start working my way back to training. After an hour of soft tissue massage, stretching, core work, rolling, all that jazz, I was told to not rush into running. I could try this weekend, once, but I need to take it easy and let this thing calm down a bit. In other words, don’t be a dumbass and make this worse by running.

I spent the rest of the day spiraling into a well of doubt and despair. Driving around Portland running errands, walking the Eastern Prom while everyone else in my running class was crushing a workout, I was telling myself a story I didn’t want to hear, asking questions I didn’t want to answer.

• When am I going to feel better again?

• When will I get to run again?

• Am I going to have enough time to get fit enough to reach my goal at Chicago.

• Am I even going to be able to run Chicago?

The answer to those questions, that’s the story I was telling myself.

• Probably never.

• Not pain free, buddy.

• No.

• Doubtful.

I know, I know. This is not the right frame of mind to be in. This is an obstacle and I have to find a way to deal with it and be better because of it, but that is not where my head was at Wednesday.

I have talked myself down a bit in the hours since that meltdown. I’ve talked with some friends and my coaches, and I realize that all is not lost. There is no reason to donate all my running shoes or cancel my flight and hotel for Chicago.

It’s just frustrating, after such a good build in February, March, April and May, to be on the shelf. I was well on the road to running that 3:47 I’ve been chasing for so long and that 3:40 I really think I’m capable of. Are those goals still realistic now that I haven’t run for nine days? Well, I don’t know.

What I do know is I can’t get those nine days back. I can’t travel back in time and not be injured. This is where I am right now, so I need to deal with it and do whatever I can to try to get ready for Chicago. If it works out and I run a killer race, awesome, but I can’t control that either. What I can control is stretch and roll every day, do my physical therapy every day, and listen to the medical professionals who are trying to get me right and keep me right.

And I can control not letting this send me slinking off to a dark room to hide out and drown my sorrows in green tea (sober life is the best life) and potato chips.

2019 … so far

I thought I would sit down today and check in with how my running goals for 2019 are coming along three months into the year. When I took a look back at the goals I set for myself, I realized it was way too early in the year to check in because those goals are far reaching and I’m taking a smart-ish approach to training in 2019.

2019 goals

• I haven’t run 50 miles in a week or 200 miles in a month because I’m building up to that.
• I haven’t run a sub 23 minute 5K because I haven’t run one yet. 
• I didn’t break 1:45 in the half marathon yet because I’ve only run one, my training got off to a slow start, and I didn’t exactly race the NYC Half. 
• That 3:47 marathon? Unless something changes, I won’t even be attempting that until October. 
• I can say that I am well on my way to losing 20 pounds. Three months into the year I am down about 15 pounds, thanks to giving up beer and peanut butter, and having less junk food in the house. 

That is about as much of an update as I can give on those goals. There is still a lot of work to do, and I’m happy to report, I’m doing a decent job of doing the work. Those goals, however, are still pretty far off in the distance.

This week has been a big step toward those goals. Last Sunday, I ran 10 miles, with 50 minutes a little faster than half marathon pace. I bounced back to run basically the same workout Wednesday, finishing 10 miles with 60 minutes just a touch slower because I was smarter and actually ran about half marathon pace. I’ve logged just over 30 miles through Saturday and plan to run for an hour and 45 minutes Sunday, which will put me over 40 miles in a week for the first time this year. Actually, I haven’t run more than 40 miles in a week since April 2017, which was the week I tweaked my hamstring training for the Sugarloaf Marathon. That was the start of a downward spiral in my running, then ended with me on the shelf with bum knees after a summer of lackluster training.

I’m definitely feeling the impact of those miles, though I feel better today than I have at any point since I ran the half marathon on March 17. My right adductor/hammy has been tired and sore, which is par for the course when training gets harder, but I’ve tried to be smart about it. I stretch, I roll it out with my Tiger Tail, I wear compression. That, even more than my knees, is the thing I have to be the most diligent about. It is a work in progress and I am doing my best (with mixed results) to stay on top of it.

So far, 2019 has been a success. I feel relatively healthy and, more importantly, I’m enjoying the process. Running, and everything that goes a long with it, hasn’t always been fun in the last few years. That I have kept running despite all the setbacks I’ve had is pretty satisfying. I’m grateful every day I get to run. I do the best I can to be present and enjoy what I am doing. When it starts to feel like a chore, and it still does sometimes, I just remind myself that I choose to do this, I want to do this. 

Regardless of whether I hit those goals I set for myself or not, if I keep doing that, 2019 will be a success.

Making progress, measuring progress

On the road to WrestleMania.

The way I measured progress in March 2018 is nothing like the way I’m measuring progress in March 2019.

A year ago, I was just getting back to running on a regular basis. Running still felt weird and my knees still hurt from time to time. This year, I’m in the middle of a training plan, running six days a week, and logging workouts on a regular basis. Running still feels weird sometimes, especially now that I’m trying to make a small tweak to my form, but the pain in my knees pops up a lot less.

A year ago, progress was getting out for a 7-mile run on the weekend. No matter how slow, 7 miles was a big deal for me in March 2018. This year, progress is running a workout I did at the end of January (3×10 minutes at threshold pace) and running my reps nearly 50 seconds faster (8:10-ish in January, 7:20-ish last night).

A year ago, running a 5-mile race at 8:33 pace early in April was a little bit terrifying. This year, running a half marathon at a pace 20 seconds faster than felt almost easy (spending four days in New York was terrifying, though).

I have a ton of work still to do, especially if I want to finally run that 3:47 marathon I’ve been chasing for five years. I’m enjoying the process right now, and I know it is going to take a lot of effort and a lot of focus to reach the goals I have set. It is going to take a lot of effort and a lot of focus to continue to enjoy the process, actually.

It is nice to be able to look back and see what kind of progress I have made. It’s nice to know I can go out on a Sunday and run 10-13 miles and not be on the shelf for days or weeks. It is nice to know I can run a hard workout at paces I haven’t really touched on since early in 2017 and bounce back to jog a super slow 4 miles a day later.

I’m grateful to be gaining fitness and confidence. I don’t take it for granted, not after the shit show that was 2017 and the rebuilding that took place in 2018. That rebuilding is still on going and will actually ramp up this summer as I put in the real hard work for the Chicago Marathon. I’ve talked a lot about Redesign. Rebuild. Reclaim., I really need to Redesign. Rebuild. Reclaim this summer. No more slacking off, no more farting around. I’ve done a decent job with physical therapy, strength work, stretching and rolling, I need to really ramp it up this summer.

How I measure progress will continue to change. This summer, hopefully looks a lot different than right now.

Onward and upward. Continuing making forward progress. Right now, that is how I measure success.

Training with mixed results

This photo really has nothing to do with this post other than I’m trying to remind myself of what I am capable of when I believe in myself because this was one of the best races I’ve ever had.

I’m in a weird spot right now.

Some days I feel really good about the progress I’ve made, my ability to run a little bit faster and a little bit longer.

Some days, I’m feel completely overwhelmed, that I’m not capable of the things on my training schedule, and that I’m not making quite as much progress as I think I am.

In reality, I’m somewhere in the middle.

Starting Week 5 of the Mid Winter Classic training class at Fleet Feet, I have had mixed results following the plan. The Wednesday group workouts, despite my intimidation and doubt in my ability to finish all the reps, have gone well. 7×1 minute uphill. 9×1 minute uphill. Beat your last intervals. I’ve have conquered my doubts and accomplished the workouts, gaining a good deal of confidence in the process. My Friday or Saturday morning workouts, which I do on my own, haven’t gone quit so well. The fartlek runs were fine, 1 to 1:30 minute hard reps sprinkled into a longer run, no problem. Progression runs and steady state workouts on the other hand, I had a hard time with those.

Take Saturday, for example. The schedule called for 45-60 minutes of steady state running, with a 15-minute warmup and a 10-minute cool down. I felt like shit when I left the apartment, feeling the start of a cold that has knocked me off my feet today (I’m sitting in bed, skipping my run on New Year’s Day because I feel pretty shitty). For some reason, I thought the workout called for 30-45 minutes of steady state running, so after that 15 minute warmup, I picked up the pace.

Immediately, I thought the whole thing was a mistake. My breathing was labored and my legs were heavy. I was struggling and told myself to get through five minutes. After that five minutes, I told myself to do five more. I got through a mile and, without realizing I was doing it, I picked up the pace. I was supposed to be running between 8:00 and 8:20 minute per mile pace. The second mile of the workout portion of this run was 7:53. Whoops.

I slowed down both out of necessity and because I was trying to actually run the workout correctly during the third mile of the workout, and when I hit 20 minutes, I told myself to try for 10 more. Then I could call the workout a success. I did six more minutes and called it a day.

I was gassed. I was done.

After my cool down and a little stretching, I picked up my training log to jot done some notes, and saw the schedule. The workout was actually “45-60 minutes at Steady State Pace.”

Well … fuck.

I was feeling like I had a decent workout, getting 26 minutes at steady state, when in reality, I wasn’t even close to finishing it. I barely did half. Now, I cut myself a little bit of slack because I was sick. I ran 1.3 miles Sunday and stopped because I had no energy and breathing was hard. This illness definitely had an impact on that workout Saturday. But, it was a blow to the ego, a shot to my confidence to struggle so hard to not even get halfway through that workout.

I guess what I’m figuring out through this process is it is a long road to get to where I want to go. I not only have to work on my fitness, I also have to work on the mental stuff. It’s about developing the belief in my ability to do the work. It’s about learning how to pace certain workouts (like that progression run where I clearly ramped up the speed too quickly and had to stop 21 minutes into a 35-40 minute progression run). It’s about putting in the work and sticking my nose in there to make myself better.

I’m not where I want to be right now, and this cold isn’t helping, but I’m starting to do the work. It’s a weird place to be. Sometimes I feel like I’m over my head, sometimes I feel like I should be further along then I am, somedays I feel like I’m making really good progress.

In reality, it is all of those things.

Putting the numbers into perspective

So many numbers.

I’m constantly yelling at myself to stop worrying about the damn numbers so much.

• Ignore the number on the scale and just get healthier.

• Ignore the numbers on your watch and just run.

• Ignore the numbers in your running log and on your Strava page, and just do what is necessary to be a better runner.

•Ignore all those numbers everyone else post, their pace, their mileage, their race times. It doesn’t fucking matter.

Yet I couldn’t stop myself from looking at my mileage for 2018. We are two and half days days from 2019 and I was curious where I stood compared to 2017, and for that matter 2016. Each of those years are tremendously different, which I’ll write about in a bit, but I was curious how this year stacks up.

• 2018: 1,404 miles, and counting.

• 2017: 1,391 miles.

• 2016: 2,114

Like I said, those years are significantly different.

In 2016, I was mostly healthy and had two really good training blocks, preparing for the Kennebec River Rail Trail Half Marathon and the Maine Marathon.

In 2017, I was off to a really good start training for the Mid Winter Classic and the Sugarloaf Marathon, then I injured my hamstring, lowered my mileage in the summer to try to get healthy, and finally was forced to take two months off because of my bum knees.

This year, I changed my stride and basically started from scratch, slowly working my way back to regular consistent mileage. I also dealt with the fear of doing too much and going back on the shelf.

Taking a look at these numbers has reminded me why it is important not to blindly place too much stock in them. Looking at my mileage this year and comparing it to 2016, on the surface it looks like a huge disappointment, but it really isn’t. In January I was working my way through Couch to 5K as I tried to gain back some fitness and learn my new running form. Now in December, I’m running five or six days a week and I’m logging between 30-40 miles per week. That’s forward progress. That is momentum. That makes those 1,404 (and counting) miles this year a success.

I set a bunch of goals for myself for 2019, a few of them based around numbers. My new goal for 2019 is to not get too wrapped up in them. The idea is to do the work I need to do to become a better runner. To get stronger and faster, healthier and happier. The numbers will be a guide, but not the end all be all. They won’t determine whether or not my year was a success. Whether I do the work to feel good and have fun doing the work will determine if it was a good year or not.

Of course, I will still track everything and still obsesses over the numbers on my watch, and the numbers on the scale, because old habits are hard to break and I’m stubborn. Maybe that’s another goal I need to work on in 2019.